February

So, I have to tell you that I went off my "happy pills." It's been over a month now. I am pretty surprised at the changes that are taking place. Just a bit of anxiety so far, but perhaps that was just brought on by the fear that the "big one" would hit. Stupid thing, anxiety, things that should help, can actually bring it on, like exercise. The increased heart rate and breathing can mimic and bring on an attack. Not fun. But, as I said, so far, so good. Aside from feeling a lot more emotional (on serotonin enhancers you kind of feel even all the time), I feel more energetic, less lethargic, but also, a lot physically colder. Weird. When I was on Celexa, I was always hot. Now I am freezing. Bizarre. I'm hoping all this will normalize after some time.

So, for me, February has been a month of navel gazing a bit. Mind you, it's the worst possible time for it because I am crazy busy at work and my co-worker is off on mat leave (her third).

My grandma is not doing well. My mom is off to Poland tomorrow. Hard to say, but it seems like it's the beginning of the end. She's had a stroke and they found a mass in her lungs that is cancerous. She's never been a smoker, so likely this is actually a secondary tumour. I was going through my linen closet yesterday and I found a lacy table runner she crocheted for me a long time ago and almost burst into tears. And of course, the sucky thing for me is that I can't even see her one more time. Can't tell her anything. Can't hold her hand.

The one nice thing about February has been Valentine's Day. Mr. P got me a lovely necklace, a huge box of chocolates, and a bottle of wine. Basically, all a girl needs. He also took us out for a nice Milestones dinner.

Another nice thing is that belly dancing started up once again. Meagan is a tough teacher, which I like. She really insists on us doing the moves properly. She made me sweat a lot yesterday. So maybe one day I will be able to do this: