Singing the Blues

I am not one to shy away from change. I like it and look forward to it. But then when it turns out it's not exactly what I wanted, I am very unhappy, put out, and annoyed. What, say I, this is not better? But it was supposed to be. So here comes my lament. Skip this post, oh ye of cheerful hearts, for it is nothing but the blues here.

We have moved to the new office. It is closer for me, which is the ONLY redeeming feature for me. Yes, I do not miss my one-hour commute. But here is what I do miss (and I tried to be positive about all this, I have!). I miss being downtown. I miss the bustle of it, the constant construction noises, the sounds of emergency vehicle sirens. I miss my cubicle. I hate the open concept office, where everyone is looking at everyone else all of the time. I miss the simple coffee maker and kettle the old office had. The new contraption they call a coffeemaker grinds the coffee and preps all these fancy coffee drinks, which I dislike. And there is no kettle. At all. Well, not on my floor. I even miss my old chair. The new one is all fancy and ergonomic and it makes me slide down, so I have to hunch forward when I'm typing and am in constant shoulder and neck pain.

But most of all, I miss my friends. In the old office, there were chats. There were lunches together. There were shopping trips. There was walking to Yonge and Bloor. And lingering. And now, it's gone. There are no real places to shop (which is good for my wallet, mind), no places to eat out and no walking to a far away subway. And it seems everyone is afraid to go to someone else's desk because there is zero privacy. And I hate it.

OK, I know what you will say. Big deal. Suck it up. There are worse things! And you're right. But right now it is my moment to feel sorry for myself. So there.

It's been 12 years

Today is my wedding anniversary. Also a bit of a grey and rainy day. 12 years ago, it was sunny and humid. It had been a cool spring, so I thought it might be a cooler day, but it was quite warm. Faelyne picked me up, which was good because otherwise, I'd have been hoofing it through the park to the Old Mill. Maybe on our 15th, we can go there for dinner.

I can't believe it's been 12 years already. I guess as a naive bride, I thought I knew a lot about my future husband, though we had never lived together. Now I find that there are still many issues we differ on. Perhaps that is good. It would be unbelievably boring to live with someone who always agreed with everything. In some ways, as a couple, you become a unit, but in many ways you don't. It's still two people, with two minds.

Went for dinner with some work friends on Friday and it wasn't as good as I hoped. One of our group got quite upset over something, not sure what it was, but it left me upset as well. I think maybe I will skip the next one.

Post Birthday Blahs

Something happens to me around my birthday and it ain't good. I don't know why I always think that not unlike Christmas, my birthday is supposed to be this magical time when wishes come true and the universe will rain blessings on me. Guess what! Does not happen. Now, mind you, I have so much already that it's hard to imagine what else I could possibly want. And maybe that's half the trouble. But such is human nature, or such is mine anyway, that I long for excitement and romance. I think it may be time to try something new, something I have never done before. The question is what. I rule out life-threatening things like parasailing and skydiving. Or bungee jumping. The search continues.

Dog Days

These are the dog days of winter. It's cold and dreary. This is not making for good mood weather. I've been chugging vitamin D like there's no tomorrow.

It will soon be a month since Wendy's death. It feels longer, probably because I have not seen her or spoken with her since last year. Carla must be feeling the brunt of it much more. I sometimes think that someone dying far away, although it dulls the pain a bit, robs us of the ability to move on. You don't feel the loss as much immediately, but it's something that goes on longer. It's almost like you are fooled into thinking that person is still there. It was the same for me when my grandmother died. My life did not really change but every time I thought about it, it seemed like it was a fresh loss. Being able to visit her grave in August helped with that a bit. Standing over a grave really brings home the fact that the person is gone.

Major changes happening at work. Not necessarily for the better, either. But, oh, well. It will be something new. Who would have thought that I would be an Originator, someone who welcomes change. Just as I never would have thought I'd be a leader. Not that I occupy a leadership position now. Maybe that is why it gets me so mad when people ride my coat tails.

I think I am going to abandon my jewellery making efforts. I don't have the heart for it. It will never be a business and I don't have the strength to keep trying to make it one. The people I give my jewellery to don't wear it, so I feel like I'm the crazy crochet girl who gives people homemade things they don't want. Not that I'm knocking crochet stuff. I crochet with the best of them. I just crochet for myself.

So basically, having a full-on mid-life crisis. Too bad I don't have the money for a Ferrari. Not that I want one. I want a Subaru Impreza. Yeah, I know, sexy.

2015

2015 is not off to a great start so far. World-wide, there are terrorist attacks, planes crashing, people we thought we trusted being accused of crimes...

Closer to home (well, our home), my dear sister-in-law is fighting for her life. Mr. P's cousin was killed in a truck accident (he was a truck driver). Not fun times.

We are under a cold snap here in Toronto. The windows of our apartment have been frozen over since Sunday.

In cheerier news, Penboy has started watching Dr. Who and likes it! We started with series 1 of the new Dr. Who, the one with Christopher Eccleston. I forgot how good he was. I was quite sad when he left, but then, to me, David Tennant was the ultimate doctor. Mind you, quite warming up to Peter Capaldi.