I've been trying to write the Great Canadian Novel, but I am beginning to think it will never happen. I have these ideas for situations and some of them might even be good, but when I start writing, they seem stupid and the whole thing fizzles out. Perhaps I should be a short story writer - of short stories with no endings.
It's like my knitting lately. I start a project three, four, five times and then take them apart because I don't like how they come out. Then I get frustrated and think, OMG, start this already. Right now working on a scarf (what else?) made of sock yarn. I got this really cute striped wool and well, you know, started the scarf a few times already. Then I got the idea that it would look kind of lacey if I switched to larger needles, so I took it apart once again and started all over. It's kind of tiring and stressful, you know, this constant dissatisfaction. Penelope at least did it because she was waiting for Odysseus. I have no Odysseus to come and rescue my scarf. Oh, I shall call this scarf, the Penelope scarf!
I should perhaps take a course on how to be more decisive. Or perhaps on how to like the decisions I make. It's a good thing that I am not using expensive yarn. I went to Romni Wools yesterday, thinking I would get yarn for my mom. She's been saying she needs new sweaters. Ha! The cheapest yarn there is $10 a ball. And she needs at least 5 balls. So, yeah, I bought one ball and hopefully she can make a hat. But there was this one gorgeous Japanese yarn called Noro. It was $45 a ball. So, imagine what would happen if I was using that. The stress!
I envy people like my kid who know what they want. I always second guess my choices and am always looking for something different.
Sunday, October 27, 2019
Sunday, October 20, 2019
Terrible Average
I've been averaging one post a year. Very poor attendance.
Late in the evening, I think of many things to post - witty, touching, interesting. Oh, you would be riveted. Come the morning, when I actually sit in front of a screen, it's all a blank.
Been a bit of an up-hill walk lately. My anxiety is creeping up on me. If you don't know what this is like, imagine being absolutely panicked about some minor thing, like forgetting your keys at home. Or not remembering if you turned off the stove. It also doesn't help that I'm somewhat forgetful and I do things by rote without thinking about them. I once spent an agonizing morning wondering if the stove was off or if my place was actually going down in flames until I finally bit the bullet and went home from work to check. I first Googled to see what would happen if someone left an empty pot on a burner that was not turned off. 'Cause that's how I roll. I am here to tell you that usually it's OK, but not if your pot begins to burn and noxious fumes are released and you think about your child coming home to a poisoned apartment. Then it's not OK. That is when you rush home to check. And find out that you did in fact turn the stove off. Now it's part of my morning ritual - making a note of turning the stove off. Yeah, a bit of OCD going on here too.
In sad news, my aunt passed away in Poland. She was elderly and it was to be expected, but nobody ever expects it. She was my father's sister. I wish one of us could go to the funeral, but we can't even do that. My dad is not doing well health-wise himself and I left my passport expire a long, long time ago. Plus, time off work would be problematic. So, once again, we grieve from afar, and grieve that we can't grieve in person.
Late in the evening, I think of many things to post - witty, touching, interesting. Oh, you would be riveted. Come the morning, when I actually sit in front of a screen, it's all a blank.
Been a bit of an up-hill walk lately. My anxiety is creeping up on me. If you don't know what this is like, imagine being absolutely panicked about some minor thing, like forgetting your keys at home. Or not remembering if you turned off the stove. It also doesn't help that I'm somewhat forgetful and I do things by rote without thinking about them. I once spent an agonizing morning wondering if the stove was off or if my place was actually going down in flames until I finally bit the bullet and went home from work to check. I first Googled to see what would happen if someone left an empty pot on a burner that was not turned off. 'Cause that's how I roll. I am here to tell you that usually it's OK, but not if your pot begins to burn and noxious fumes are released and you think about your child coming home to a poisoned apartment. Then it's not OK. That is when you rush home to check. And find out that you did in fact turn the stove off. Now it's part of my morning ritual - making a note of turning the stove off. Yeah, a bit of OCD going on here too.
In sad news, my aunt passed away in Poland. She was elderly and it was to be expected, but nobody ever expects it. She was my father's sister. I wish one of us could go to the funeral, but we can't even do that. My dad is not doing well health-wise himself and I left my passport expire a long, long time ago. Plus, time off work would be problematic. So, once again, we grieve from afar, and grieve that we can't grieve in person.
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